Dear Alf #20

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions.

Q:   Hey Alf here is a simple question, none of that hard biology stuff ; ). When will we be able to see some more pictures of kinto slaves and when will we get to learn more about them? Are they as intelligent as you and the other mudokons or are they more primitive? That’s all. Hope it isn’t to complicated for you. Thanks for all the work and occasional effort you put into answering our questions. —TheKhanzumer

Alf:  It’s hard to say if the Kinto’s are intelligent or not, as their paranoia about things looming above their head sort of limits all of their other abilities. It’s pretty hard to enslave a race that refuses to work in an area with say, a roof or trees or anything overhead. The Glukkons pretty much abandoned the idea of exploiting them when they found it would take an inkling of effort. But who knows, maybe one day they’ll get a burst of motivation and try it again.

Q: Hey there fellow chump! First of all, I’d really appreciate it if you could answer my E-mail this time. I don’t mean to sound rude. I know you’re a very busy Mud and all, but I’ve E-mailed four times now, with different questions, and not one of ’em’s been answered or posted on the site. Plus, my parents are gonna get real pissed if I keep E-mailing over and over without getting any result. I have a couple of questions, along with suggestions on who to ask if your infinite wisdom for some reason can’t figure out the answer. So here goes.

1: I wanna know how Abe possesses things. Does he send some part of his soul, mind or both out through the possession orb to his target? Or does he just send new thoughts and opinions to his target? I got that second one by the way, by watchin’ the movie where Abe possesses Lulu (right after he says to the Valet “No way. Where’d these idiots get that crazy idea, I hate that fishy crap,” about the Gabbiar) and then ya hear these weird echoing whispers when Lulu’s eyes start glowin’ blue. If your vast knowledge and superior Mudokon brain can’t figure it out, ask Abe, Bigface, the Rasin or even the Three Weirdos (they should be experts on spirits and stuff, being spirits themselves) about it.

Speaking of controlling things…

2: How do Sligs control their mechanical pants? Does that cable (coming out of the pants that’s hooked up to the mask) plug into their brains or something? Again if your genius can’t work it out, ask Crig the Slig

 Thanks for your time, and may the Odd be with ya. —Andrew H.

Alf:  Yes, you are quite rude, and I think your parents would be more upset at your terminology than with me not replying to your Oddworld-shattering email. As for your questions, no one really knows how they possess something, it just happens! I mean, you don’t have to be a gastroenterologist in order to belch, do ya? The same goes for the pants. And if you don’t like my answers, go ask the Raisin!!!!

Q:   I would like to know, since I haven’t got no Xbox, WHY THE HECK YOU’RE AFRAID OF SLOGGIES?! They are just little buggers you can easily kick out of the way. How come you are afraid of em? —Jose

Alf:  So young, so naive. Without the proper equipment, you can never experience the utter terror a sloggie inflicts on its prey. And without living here in Mudos, I fear you can never even come close to the barking, slobber dripping, tongue slapping, teeth like razors reality of what a Sloggie really is.

Q:   I have two questions:

1 when Abe dies why does he turn into a flock of birds?

2 when another inhabitant dies why does their body dissolve away?

thanks alot Alf from daz36

Alf:   You have much to learn about the spirit world, which cannot be seen by you or I. Sometimes we just have to think of a way to represent it as closely as we can. Even then, there is still much to be interpreted. Go now, and meditate on this.

Q:   Hi Alf! u know ur rehab and tea? We’ve all heard of the delicious tea with its golden leaves… but what about the rehab? Do They nurse sick soulstorm brew drinking mudokons? Or is it just for mudokons who’ve had too much tea? Also, is there a killing bonus in Abe’s Exoddus if u kill all nearly all da mudokons? Not that I would do that. I just want to confirm rumours. THANX ALF luv NIC XXXX

Alf:   Too much tea? There is no such thing! And for the record, killing one Mudokon is killing one too many!!!!

Q:   Hi do u remember me I’m Kaled from Egypt I’m sorry for late my answer about your mail because I’m was busy in school. but I ask you when Munch’s Exoddus finished? and please answer this question. your Kaled from Egypt

Alf:   Hi Kaled, Munch’s Exoddus? Is Munch going somewhere? Where is he going? Do you think he’ll stop by for tea? I should fix this place up if he’s coming by! There are used tea bags everywhere! I’ve got to go!!!!

Q:  Alf- I’ve been working hard at getting the next to impossible Black Quarma (I have an evil side) How in the heck am I supposed to pass the first level with Munch without saving a fuzzle! the Crawdaddy

Alf:   Skill. Reflexes. Hand-eye coordination. Determination. Opposable thumbs. You get the picture.

Q:   Two months ago somebody asked if you have ever eaten a Mudokon Pop. You said that’s disgusting. You’re absolutely right, but you DID drink Soulstorm Brew. And THAT’S made of MUDOKON BONES AND TEARS! What’s it all about Alfie??? —The Biggest Dutch Mudokon 

Alf:   Dear Charell, Why you gotta go and bring up that horrible business? It is true, the Glukkons tricked us into thinking that stuff was so good, and we believed ’em, with their slick advertising and chemical preservatives. Seemed good at the time; we didn’t know! Thank goodness for our buddy Abe, who saved us from that whole nasty mess. Even by then we were so addicted it was downright hard to quit. That’s why I started the Rehab! Now if I could just kick the tea . . .

Q:   Hey Alf, I was wondering: how come there’s no Shrykull power in Munch’s Oddysee? I mean, you have got to be pulling Mudokon’s arms out of there sockets to get away with no Shrykull power. It was a great and cool way to help Abe take out those Glukkons in RuptureFarms. And Abe still has those hand scars and he just let them go to waste in this one. So, why didn’t Abe use the grand power of the Shrykull? It could have come in useful in Vykker’s Labs. —Colin

Alf:  Woa! Hey, there now! Let’s not get carried away … there’s no need to go pulling arms out of sockets just because you didn’t get your Shrykull fix in Munch’s Oddysee. I think Abe just thought his other skills were better suited this go ’round. I mean, we wouldn’t want it to be too easy on the poor bugger! Besides it’s called Munch’s Oddysee and Abe didn’t want to show up Munch.

Q:   Do you have a release date for Munchs Exoddus because I have finished Munchs Oddysee? Do you know if Shrink will return to the games because his appearance in Abes Oddysee was very brief? —Shrykull

Alf:  Congratulations! You finished Munch’s Oddysee! Now play it again and quit asking so many questions!

P.S. Can you answer Colin’s question? I think he’s about to go nutso on us

I hope the Shrink does return because, well, ahem… I think one of our fans could use his help…

Q:   Do GLUKKONS have moolah if they don’t yousit —Jose

Alf:  Dear Jose, NO! You sit! Why should I have to sit? Huh? Wha? Oh, right … GLUKKONS dew yous moolah, to bye smokes, sparkly soots, and priceless food items like Gabbiar.

Q:   yo Alf y can’t mudokons pkup weapons form sligs? form your bast bud sean

Alf:  It isn’t a matter of can or cannot, but a matter of want or not want. I’d much rather pick up a nice, warm steamin’ cup ‘o tea. Ahhhh, now that sounds nice.

‘Till next time, this is the number one Mud that ain’t no dud — so when you have a question and need the direct line to information central, don’t forget to ask:
What’s it all about, Alfie?