Dear Alf #29

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer … But that’s why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster… you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions.

Q:   Hiya Alf! I’ve been wondering just who came up with the idea of the game’s setting as a meat packing plant. I myself looove the looks of refineries and big factories how they have so many pipes and big somke stacks and there’s lights everywhere and there’s huge machinery. A lot of people don’t except the person who made the setting of the game. So what I’m saying is who came up with the idea of putting a meat packing plant as a setting and why? Your BIGGEST fan, Mike.

Alf:  Well there, Big Mike, I’m happy to hear that you think the structure which enslaved and later snackified my brothers is so visually appealing!!!! Who could think up such a demented and horrible place? Lorne Lanning, that’s who. Luckily he also thought it would be cool to have a saviour to lead us out of that Odd forsaken bung hole.

Q: dear alf, everyone else e-mails in to see pics of muds, about technology and that sort of stuff…but we on the other hand…have seen real mudokons…and are on a quest to save them…though it is VERY DIFFICULT…especially when 1 in 10 will not pay the slightest attention to us…being a mudokon yourself (elssacecon bow to you) could you tell us how to approach these shy and very fast mudokons… – THANX- ElSsAceCon xxx

Alf:  EISsAceCon, All you need is bait. Try offering those chumps some tea or brew and munchies!

Q:  Dear Amazing Alf, I was wondering…What ever happened to the flethches or what ever they were called? Will there be an “Oddworld: Munch’s Exodus”? How come in Abe’s Oddysee the Scrab’s attacked each other and they don’t in Munch’s Oddysee? Will we ever see a female character? Will there ever ba a “Slig Army”? Thank’s for your time …(“-“)

Alf:  Since most fleeches get flushed when they become too obnoxious for their owners to handle, you can find most of them hanging out in the marshes, lakes, sewers and forests of Oddworld. I don’t recommend going and looking for them, though. You know what they say, two heads are better than one! especially for chomping an innocent bystander!

Oddworld Munch’s Exoddus? Read the FAQs. I’m sure that in time some of the female characters of Mudos will be revealed.

A slig army? I doubt it. They are highly social and easily misled by those with larger weapons than their own. Can you imagine the chaos just of setting up the chain of command? Madness!

Q:  Dear Alf, I have a few more questions if you don’t mind. If all of your eggs are shipped to factories how come there are so many wild Mudokens? Also are you a wild Mudoken or did Abe save you? Also if its not asking too much could you have Abe open a bird portal to Earth? My bags are even packed already! From Oddball_zim

Alf:  Dear OBZ, Well, there were Mudokons around before the eggs were shipped, so you do the biological math!

I myself am a worker class like Abe.

I will see about the bird portal thing. Maybe we could switch houses for a week or two. You can run the rehab while I lounge in your cabana just off the keys. You do have a cabana just off the keys, don’t you?????

Q:   Alf, if Abe and his fellow Muds can survive really high falls than how come in Abes oddysee and exoduss you cant survive them, you just die.

Alf:   Well, if you drop a super ball from an airplane, it ain’t gonna bounce back to you. Everyone and everything has its limits. Mudokons are no exception.

Q: Dear Alf my favourite mud, I wanna know why the sligs and glukkons don’t get afraid when Abe starts chanting to posses them in Munches oddysee. One more thing how come in Munches when you posses a glukkon you cant kill him by self disrupting him. Thanks for your time Alf buddie.  

Alf:   Well, actually, by possessing a Glukkon, you ARE “self-disrupting’ him. If you want to kill him, or make him self-destruct, that is another story. Personally, I think it is more entertaining to play with their minds.

Q:  Dear Alf Why are Glukkons profit crazy and evil? Were they born bad? Christopher 

Alf:   It’s part genetics, part environmental. A little bit country, a little bit rock and roll.

Q:  Hi Alf! I got a few questions for ya. What happened between Abe’s Exoddus and Munch’s Oddysee? How much time was there in between them? A few days? Weeks? How did Abe come across the Almighty Raisin? Do Big Face and the Almighty Raisin know each other? Did they meet before Munch’s Oddysee? Will Big Face return in the next Oddworld game? Okay, so its more than a few questions but only one more question. In the opening movie for Abe’s Exoddus where you and Abe first get into Necrum Mines, did the Mudokon push Abe off or did he fall? If the mudokon did push him, were you that mud? Thanks Alf!

Alf:   Between AE and MO? Well, let’s see, there was the big one, then my downward spiral into black tea drinking, the goat tee phase, my cubist period, my blue period, my lack of punctuation period (spawned by the internet), and then the inevitable feta and avocado on flatbread period. Odd how I love flatbread. It is like bread, only satisfyingly flat! Ok, so that was probably more information than you wanted, but just one more useless tidbit: I may or may not have pushed Abe. Those memories are foggy, very foggy!!!..

Q:   Dear Alf, I think all of the Oddworld games have been great so far. Naturally, I have some questions.(It would be pretty pointless not having any)

1. Are you going to be making an online/multiplayer game somewhere in the future?

Alf:  Hmmm!. Good idea!

2. Why don’t mudokons steal sligs guns after they’ve been killed?

Alf:   If it won’t open a can of brew or change the channel, most muds aren’t interested.

3. If the mudokons and native forces overpowered the glukons, would sligs fight agaist the mudokons, retreat or join them?

Alf:  They’d wet their mechanical pants. Sparks would fly. Electrical shocks would occur. Many an already wasted life would be lost, and Mudos would be a happier place.

4. When the Playstation 3 is released in a few years, would you make games for it? The Official Australian Playstation 2 magazine said that some of the wiring in the console is thinner than human hair!

Alf:  Human hair? Big whoop! Now if it were thinner than a Mudokon eyelash, now that would really be something!

Thanks for your time anyway, and keep up the good work! from Hawk the slig.

Alf:   Aaah, whatever!

Q: “hey ALf! I was wonderin’ if you could give us fans any info about the kinto slaves, octigi, gloktigi, meetle and mug? Also could you by any chance talk to the webmaster about starting a page for ideas for the games that were never used in the final version. Thanks, Kendall

Alf:  Hi Kendall, I can’t tell you much about them now, but pretty soon you might be learning more. I tried to talk to the webmaster about games, but that chump is always at the massage chair or the coffee shop!

Q:   Hi, long time no sneeze… See! Ehm, I was wondering what the reahab is like late at night when the young muds go home to sleep. Do you serve brew? (Yes, I know that’s the whole point of the tea, to heal muds from brew…) becuas in that case, you could sell them tea afterwords… I think you almost must do this Alfie, sense all mudokons know brew is bad, AND Soulstorm is blown to pieces… So therefor you must have yer own secret brewery, to keep the customers in, to buy tea. Otherwise I have some aditional questions.

Alf:  You are the man that invented the deodorant that makes you sweat, the breath mint that makes breath smell bad, the acne gel that makes you break out, the diet soda that makes you fat! You are an evil, evil man! But I respect your ingenuity and will answer your questions accordingly.

1: Why did Mullock start the Employe of the year thing? They are slaves after all. You know what I think? I think Mullok had a bigger heart than you think :p

Alf:  Molluck started Employee of the Year for the same reason all companies do: To instigate competition among employees which will, in theory, encourage all to work more. More working makes more products, more products makes more sales, and more sales makes more moolah, more moolah, more moolah!!!

2: How did you get to earth from Oddworld? Sense you are using a earthly email address and Internet does not go out into space. (Do not skip this question do to explenation of satalites… etc)

Alf:  How do you know? Have you been to space? Huh, smarty-shorts? Don’t mock what you don’t understand!

4. (3 was a bad question): When is E3, and how long time will pass after that untill the information and movie clips are on the net? (Hopes for a Munch 2: Leaked Alpha version 😉 …not)

Alf:  Yeah, no kidding. I can smell #3 from here. It’s almost as bad as #2. E3 is over and there are already movie clips and information on the net. Just not about the new Oddworld game. Nice try sucka!

Q:   Dear Alf i have two questions iv been dieing to ask you 1 is: on Abes Exoddus why didnt you listen 2 abe when he told you not to dring the brew when you knew what a hero he was and that he had saved 99 modokons from rupture farms. And another is: why do scrabs and paramites and other creatures attack abe on sight, do they have a natural instinct to kill mudokons or something ur greatest rehab attendent KIT

Alf:   Uh, we all drank the brew, even Abe, until he saved us and I started the Rehab. Get it straight! If you are a rehab attendant I oughta have you scrubbing latrines! Scrabs and paramites attack because they are hungry, like most wild animals they have to eat, and if the food wants to play chase, even better!

Q:   Is this Alf im not sure. Well i got ?’s. When does the Shrink appear and will Vykkers be in the next odd game? Also… how come you scare me? j/w. buh-by

Alf:   It’s me, unfortunately. Just to try and salvage some tiny, itsy bitsy smaller-than-human-hair fragment of my reputation, I will tell you that it is highly likely that the Vykkers will play a role in the next game. Not for sure, but probably.

Why do I scare you? Are you also afraid of other tea makers? Do you have issues with Rehab? Why do people come to me with their personal problems? I don’t have time to deal with this slogwash.

Q:   Dear Alf, I have four very good questions for you to answer. Please respond back to them:)

1. At the end of Oddworld: Abe’s Exoddus, was Abe at your Alf’s Rehab and Tea party?

Alf: Oh yeah, me and Abe party together all the time.

2. What made you join Abe in his journey to SoulStorm Mining Co.?

Alf: Well, I thought about hanging around to become a tasty treat, but I really felt my skillset was better suited to the escapee and rehabilitation industries.

3. Personally, what do you think of the Glukkons?

Alf: Personally, I think they are kinda cute. In an evil, greedy dastardly kind of way.

4. What do Meeches look like and what do they do?

Alf:  I don’t know, but they sure were tasty!

Alf:   Those were good questions. What’s your angle? Are you an HR Director? Get outa my rehab, infidel!!!!!!