Dear Alf #8

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions!

Q:   Hiya Alf! Why does Abe keep bumping his head?

Alf:  Hello. I’m not sure why Abe bumps his head. Sometimes I see him eating paint chips.

Q:   I was wondering if you could add a web poll to your site? Also, what do (or did) Meeches look like? 

Alf:  I’ll see what I can do about the web poll.

I have personally never seen a Meech, either first hand or in photographs. Some say they looked like small hairy pancakes that left trails of sticky mucous on the ground. Legend has it that on any given day, one could witness swarms of Meeches squirming by the millions over the placid fields of Mudos.

Q:   Is it hard being an inhabitant? Was Abe the only one that can transform to Shrykull?

Alf:  I’ve got a 47-inch waistline; does my physique suggest to you that it is hard being an Inhabitant?

I could do the Shrykull thing if I really wanted to, I just don’t want to.

Q:   Yo, can you send me some fan equipment man?

Alf:  Dear Sir, unfortunately we do not include gold chains, spoke rims, or handguns in our line of merchandise. In addition, our distribution network does not extend to your part of “da hood” (i.e. your parent’s basement in the suburbs), so we would be unable to fulfill your order. Seriously, look for stuff in the fall when the game is released.

Q:   Why does Abe not get sick when he drinks the SoulStorm™ Brew?

Alf:  Evidently, he has built up some sort of resistance to the stuff. You know, each time it takes a little bit more to get the same effect.

Q:   Hey, would you Mudokons get severely punished if you pulled off BigFace’s mask? Do you know what’s under his mask?

Alf:  Punished? Please! He only wears that thing for the girls. He thinks it makes him “mysterious” or something. I’ve seen what he looks like underneath. Two words – buck teeth.

Q:   Are you guys going to make an Oddworld: Munch’s Oddysee soundtrack? 

Alf:   Well, I’m not sure about that, but if we don’t… I’m in this band and we’re trying to cut an album and we’re really good and I play the drums sometimes well mostly I play the tambourine but we’re really good and we’re going to cut an album and you can buy that instead!

Q:   Is Paul O’Connor still writing the Munch’s Oddysee designer diaries?

Alf:  Look for Paul’s next installment of the “Passport to Oddworld” feature on the Microsoft Games website around e3 time.

Q:   Are the Interns pot-bellied from a vitamin deficiency through lack of eating or do they just look that way? 

Alf:  The Interns lead a sedentary lifestyle. They have gradually developed a body type known as “the melted candle” whereby deposits of supple fatty tissue ooze down around their midsection. This phenomenon is common among those who sit day in and day out in front of a computer terminal, eating and working, working and eating.

Q:   What is a Meep? Is it that one-eyed creature?

Alf:  Correct. The taste reminds one of chicken, but with a subtle hint of the sea. Just kidding!

Q:   In Munch’s Oddysee, do Abe’s eyes move around? In the recent bunch of screenshots for MO, Abe seems to be sort of staring into space. The Sligs and Munch look awesome, but Abe looks. . . well, sort of stupid. Please explain. 

Alf:  You are, of course, entitled to your opinion. Your obvious lack of training in the studies of anatomy and simple common sense serves to explain your comments. Abe’s eye sockets are of the rotator cup variety, which allow him to swivel his eyes in virtually any direction, much like a chameleon. If you saw him “staring into space”, it may have simply been that he felt your gaze and chose to ignore you by focusing on a distant object.

Q:   What’s up with Mudokons’ body? I can understand you’re thin when you’re slaves, but free Mudokons also look anorexic!

Alf:  What is this sick pre-occupation with body-types? Is this what modern media has done to our youth? Listen, if you are overweight and feel a certain jealousy toward the slim figure of a Mudokon, that is a problem that you yourself must deal with.

Q:   The only Mudokon names I’ve seen are Abe and Alf. I was wondering are there Mudokons that have female names?

Alf:  Well let’s see …I’m not good with names, but there’s Pat, Chris, and Cory. (Insert more androgynous names here). I once knew a guy who had some sort of operation done and thereafter called himself “Linda”, but I suppose that doesn’t count. Not really! I’m just feeling feisty. Look for Sam the Mudokon Queen to make her debut in Munch’s Oddysee. Don’t ask me any questions about her because I can’t answer them. You just gotta be patient.

Q:   In the first two games of Oddworld, can Sligs tell if other Sligs are possessed? Any time I possess one and say hi to another, they reply, and then blow me away.

Alf:  When Abe was first starting out, he didn’t have good control over his powers. When he’d possess a Slig, the Slig would be all glassy eyed, and stumble around like a zombie. It wasn’t very convincing. He’s gotten much better lately, as you’ll see.

Q:   Why is it that Abe has to die in the bad ending? All the time you play, you grow more respect for the little guy. Then, at the end, he gets sliced into bite-sized chunks. Surely Mudokons are more forgiving than that!

Alf:  It’s not so much forgiveness, as rescuing Abe from the clutches of Molluck the Glukkon wasn’t an easy thing. Especially when you don’t have many lives, rescued mudokons to work with. Chanting like that to create a rescue portal takes years off your life.

Q:   What do you have to do to get a good ending anyway?

Alf:  Rescue enough guys so that they’ll rescue you back. I forget the exact numbers, maybe half of the totals.

Q:   Hi, Alf. I’ve got some questions for you here (yes, more). I’ve kept them as Universal as I can think them to be, so I hope you don’t spot any that are really “knucklehead.” Why is that Slig wearing a dress on the right of the Land Muggers picture?

Alf:  That is a game show host (ess). Since all sligs are male (except the queen, and she’s as big as a house literally) that has to be a guy slig in a dress. He’s following in the fine tradition of Milton Berle and Monty Python and Ru Paul.

Q:   Do Gabbits build things underwater?

Alf:  Not that I know of. Gabbits are more like otters, just living their lives in nature.

Q:   Why were there no Bats, Bees or Fireflies in Abe’s Exoddus? Will they be returning in Munch’s Oddysee or later games?

Alf:  We have so many new and wonderful things coming along for the future, that you’ll scarcely notice the bats and bees and fireflies. Big things, swell things, things that’ll make you run crying to Mommy. You’ll be stopping strangers on the street and saying “Hey, buddy, you gotta see this…”

Q:   I’m sure someone has asked this before, but I couldn’t find that any one did. What is the ending like if you save all 300 Mudokons in Abe’s Exoddus? And what is the ending like if you save all 99 Mudokons in Abe’s Oddysee? Please give me a good answer.

Alf:  Good question! If you saved all 300 Mudokons in Exoddus and all 99 Mudokons in Oddysee you basically rock, dude. The ending is Good. Check out the Forums for help.

Q:   Alf Please answer my question (I can’t wait any longer)! Tell me about the Glukkon “Lulu”.

Alf:  Think of LuLu as a bumbling hotshot Vegas type rockstar with more style than brains. Yeah! Almost like real rock stars!