Dear Alf April 2011 (Volume 2)

Hooray! Today brings you all a triple-whammy of information. First of all, it’s another Dear Alf, with the know-it-all Mudokon returning to inform his friends…


Hooray! Today brings you all a triple-whammy of information. First of all, it’s another Dear Alf, with the know-it-all Mudokon returning to inform his friends and acquaintances in the only way he knows how. On top of that, this fortnight’s installment features a special guest to answer a slew of questions: recurring character Crig the Slig!

And then there is the much-needed reappearance of the beloved FAQ, which brings with it Alf’s assurance that repeats of the enclosed questions will be deleted by one very smug Mud. They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Frequently Asked Questions.

oddalisque: Hello,Alf!I have a question…again:How long is a day on Oddworld compared to a day on Earth.

Alf: I can’t possibly answer! The elapse of a time interval observed by you and me would differ according to our relative motion, and since there is no physical relationship between Oddworld and Earth, there is no frame of reference. Hope this helps!

And how many days do you have in a year?

Alf: Just over a year’s worth.

Leonardo: Here’s another question, for your pleasure: has Oddworld its own weekdays? I dunno, like mudsday, glocksday, vykksday.

Alf: I guess we have weekdays, but I sure don’t remember there ever being any weekends when I was “employed.” For slaves, every day is “Slogday”. Haha. See what I did there?

Kyle: I have a Question regarding Lulu, Where is he now? Shoveling Sleg Dung or Acting as target practice for some outlaws somewhere?

Alf: Buddy told me this rumor that he’s been earning a pittance appearing in commercials for security firms. He plays the loser who doesn’t think to hire decent security before carrying around something rare and expensive, and ends up having it stolen. Where do these ad writers get their zany ideas?

P.S. Where did you get that nice Fez from?

Alf: I grew up on the tale of The Fez in the Forest, which went something roughly like there was a fez lodged in the middle of a forest, but despite searching their best, nobody could find it. The person who did retrieve it was said to be destined to go on to great things. So I bought one from a shopping channel. Who wants the responsibility of great things when all you’re after is a neat hat?

Steef Dude: I was spelunking in some caverns along the Mongo recently and stumbled across a rock painting of a steef locked in battle with a gloktigi (I think). The style was very similar to that used by the mudokons, and it got me wondering: was the graffiti was done by the same person, or do grubs and muds frequent the same art classes?

Alf: Believe it or not, Mudokons and Grubbs outsource their rock art to the same company, nGravia. It’s really the only option if you want that high-quality-but-primitive-looking style.

OddworldFan#1: Alf, I’ve got a question about Stranger’s Wrath. Why is Doc The Vykker have a kind of creamey coloured skin and green and yellow eyes but just about all (If not all) the Vykkers in Munch’s Oddysee have Pink skin and Yellow eyes? I have many theories and shall tell you them after you answer me. In fact I though of one today.

Alf: You’re saying if I don’t answer you, I won’t get to hear your theories? Well shoot. Hey, I have my own theory. The Doc is actually the saviour of his people, his alternative pigmentation a clear fulfilment of ancient prophecy. He’ll probably go on to discover Native Vykkers and start freeing his race. I haven’t heard from him in a while, though. I wonder what he’s up to these days.

Ben: if blind mudokens only have their eyes stiched, cant you just unstitch them?

Alf: It’s technically possible, but a lot of Mudokons prefer to keep their stitches. They’ve long since adapted to what others would label a disability and consider it a part of their identity.

speaking of sowing, why does abe how a stitched mouth?

Alf: Chicks dig body modification.

who eats the paramite pies and scrab cakes?

Alf: Anyone who wants a delicious, nutritious, cruelicious snack!

Oddworlder: will there be games totally outside of Mudos and Abe altogether. it would be nice because I’d like to see more races, places and other aspects of Oddworld.

Alf: Why? Trying to escape from Alf? Not been following your detox program? HMM? Fingers crossed we will explore territories far away, totally isolated from familiar Mudosian nature and society.

Idiotjake: hey alf. i have a few questions. 1. do mudokens have any national holidays or events? like a day where they all come together and drink tea commemorating abes heroic actions to save them?

Alf: Dear Idiot, I would be delighted to answer your questions, although I have forwarded your second one to Crig. Mudokon celebrations vary hugely, just like your own. They tend to align with natural events, like the first day of spring when we can take off our winter loincloths, or the harvest of crops when we can stuff our faces again, rather than having institutionalized calendar days. That said, I’ve been campaigning for a Tea Day for a few years now.

3. do mudokens ever play games? or are they workaholics?

Alf: Have you not met a Mudokon before? We are lazy, with a capital laze. Could you pass me my drink?

and last question: are mudokens traditionally skinny? i know that most of them are skinny beacuse of rupture farms/soulstorm brewery, torchering them and overworking them. but dont you guys eat alot when you get back?

Alf: It’s not a tradition, it’s the natural consquence of living either in captivity or off the land. There isn’t an excess of food or a shortage of work in either case. Maybe if there were Mudokons leading sedentary lifestyles in big commerical environments you’d see a wider variety of body shapes.

also does the mudokens rubber like skin restrict there weight? (i remember reading an awnser you gave back at the last homepage about how they dont die when they fall from a cliff and land in OWMO) anyway thankyou for your time and hope these questions arent just a waste of your prescious time

Alf: I’m touched that you’ve been paying me so much attention. I wish I could return the favour, but you can’t have two last questions! NEXT!

Nicolas: Hey Alf! Greetings from France :3 i just wondered, what do Mudokons take when they have a stomach ache or intestinal disorder?

Alf: Are you trying to get me to answer something like Sekto Abismol or Imudium?

Hey Alf, this question is more for Crig than for you, i guess, but here it is: Did anyone ever see the Slig’s Queen (Skillya is her name i think, something like that as far as i remember) ? i guess there isn’t any picture available even if someone saw her, huh? =T thanks in advance

Alf: I guess it’s time to bring Crig out. CRIG! YOU’RE UP! I’m off to bed.

Crig: Anyone ‘lucky’ enough to see Skillya is generally not going to leave her premises outside of a tin can. I’m certainly in no hurry to pay her a visit, and I don’t think you’ll find anyone who is. Upper management might have met with her to negotiate contracts, but I’m not going to ask them.

Idiotjake: 2. is there such thing as a female slig? or do they kind of have a the same situation as mudokens? (only having one female to reproduce)

Crig: It’s the same as Mudokons, there are queens that handle all the reproduction. Skillya is just one of several.

Konstantine: I know this might be the hard question to answer, but stay with me on this one… Sligs are one of my favourite characters, and I always wanted to know more about them. I’ve read on Oddworld wiki websites that they’re all raised by slig queen Skillya… But thats it. I always wanted to know how they live in their barracks, what they do in free time, how they pick jobs (Slig schools for guards, and pilots?), all that kind of stuff. Do they have ranks, maybe like slig officers?

Crig: Sligs don’t generally get to pick their own careers, they’re treated as the property of the queens that lease them and the CEOs that rent them. Bosses might send their Sligs to be given training, or the Sligs can pay for it themselves, but a Slig is rarely given any education before being put to work. In our free time we like to play cards, gamble, hunt, and make life miserable for those under our command. That includes other Sligs.

Tim: Are there any other variations of Slig on Oddworld? We’ve got the bog standard walking Slig, flying, Big bro. Are there any paramedic Sligs?

Crig: There are other variations. The snooty Slig Air Corps pilot craft that make flying harnesses look like homemade crap. There are Slig Tanks, mounted Sligs, Sloghandlers, anything there’s a market for. For all I know, there are Ninja Sligs, but I doubt it. Paramedic Sligs wouldn’t really serve any purpose. If you lose your units in combat, just buy some more for cheap.

Red Wind: How come RuptureFarms-sligs wear one-eyed masks, while SoulStorm-sligs wear two-eyed masks? Is that only a trend, different from place to place? Or an evolution of the masks?

Crig: The two-eyed masks are a newer, superior model. RuptureFarms wasn’t exactly known for its modern technology.

Also, will we ever see a real slig face without a mask?

Crig: Only if you’re very, very unlucky.

I was also wondering if slogs sometimes fight each other? For example, for domination, when two alpha-leaders-slogs meet, just like alpha-scrabs. Or even, when someone throws one bone for two slogs.

Crig: Of course, that’s their natural way to maintain a social order. Fortunately, civilized society has developed advanced behavioural training techniques precision engineered to beat Slogs senseless into submission to Sligs and only Sligs. We can’t have guard animals turning on one another when they should be turning on upstart slaves.

Gavin: alf uh i wondered this, did the slogs originally kill sligs?

Crig: Sloghuts have staff casualties just like any other facility.

and crig, did you like your old boss mullock? he really bossed you around eh? XD

Crig: No, I didn’t work at RuptureFarms.

oddalisque: In Abes Exoddus Sligs can’t jump but the slig reporter can…Why?

Crig: I’m not sure. Maybe his job came with extra bouncey legs, or paid him enough that he could buy them. It’s not like you need a spring in your step patroling a factory.

Gongo: Hello Alf, Whatever happened to the Newscaster slig from M.O.M news?

Crig: He jumped.

That’s it for this month, but if you haven’t checked it out yet then get your butt over to our New ‘N’ Tasty FAQ, where all the most important and recurring questions can be showcased as a warning to anyone who dares approach us with something we’ve been asked before.

If after perusing that you still feel like you’ve got a question you want Alf to address, then comment here or message him on Facebook, Twitter or email (alf at oddworld . com) to be in for a chance of seeing your name on the next Dear Alf.

Until then,
Stay Odd!