Dear Alf #28

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer … But that’s why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster… you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions

Q: What do you think of General Dripik, Vice President Aslik, and Director Phleg?

Alf: Well, if I thought cruelty, ruthlessness, paranoia and double-dealing were enduring traits, I’d love ’em. I’d follow ’em. I’d serve ’em! But I don’t.

Q: Dear Alf Buddy, What are the differences between Scrabs and Alpha Scrabs and why can’t you do the shred attack in Munch’s Oddness? That’s all for now. Thanks Alf.

Alf: Alpha Scrabs are the leader of the pack. They are usually the dominate Scrab. In Munch’s Oddysee, the Scrabs had vast areas of wilderness to roam to let their aggressions out. In Abe’s Exoddus the Scrabs resided in the Mudanchee Vaults and rarely see the outdoors. Think about it, if you never got to go play outside you’d shred attack someone too!

Q: Hey Alf! Oddguy from OWF here with a question *drumroll* Can you give out a name for at least one of the new species appearing in Steef? I’m just so curious! Thank you kind sir! -Oddguy

Alf: Such a polite chap, that Oddguy is. Well, I suppose I could clear up a small bit of confusion, how would that be? One of the species is in fact STEEF! Yes, it is true. Steef is not a character name but the name of a species; similar to how Mudokon and Gabbit are also species. Isn’t it amazing! ! ! !

Q: Hey Alf … I know I know I’m asking two questions in the same month but I think this one is important … I was at my local Gamestop store and I was looking at the Coming Soon sign hanging from the ceiling and as I was reading all the new games that were coming out … there it was … it said Oddworld Munch’s Oddysee 2 and it’s release would be in October. I was shocked and I felt I had to ask the expert … is this true?! ?! A really big fan … Mike

Alf: Heya Mike, I gotta tell ya, I’m not sure what it means! Likely that crazy sign is referring to the GameBoy Advance version of Oddworld: Munch’s Oddysee now in stores everywhere. With all the uncertainty in the world right now, there is one thing I can say for sure: The next game isn’t coming out in October! Wouldn’t that be great? But sorry, is no come out yet.

Q: Dear Alf, 1. Do the Oddworld Inhabitants arrange visits/tours for fans?
2. When are we going to get some information about the stranger (Steef is a cool name)?
3. Are Elum going to be in the next game? Thanks, B*st*rd Tom

Alf: Dear Expletive-for-a-first-name-that-I-had-to-partially-star-out -Tom,
1. Once in a while, under ” exceptional” circumstances, fans are allowed to visit the studio. It is really rare these days, though, because we have that whole “development of a video game” thing going on. Priorities, you know. We need every able-bodied programmer programming, designer designing, modeler modeling … well, you get the idea.
2. Official news (thanks for the compliment about the name Steef, I’m glad you like it! ) about the stranger? Well if we told you all about him he wouldn’t exactly be a stranger, now would he? So uh, not gonna happen.
3. If Elum is in the next game, I doubt he will be holding the same position as last time.

Q: Dear Alf, Has the Raisin always lived “underground” and is he afflicted with the same gaseous curse as Abe and Munch?

Alf: No! How do you think he got all wrinkled and raisiny? That takes sunshine fool! Ok, sorry. Prophet and retired spiritual advisor, the raisin has lived several lives in various lands. The elderling once advised the tribal chiefs of many diverse cultures. But those are days long past. With the Vykkers around, he’s got to stay in hiding with his Ratz. As for his personal odor issues, it’s not certain. No one dares walk all the way around to his backside. (It would be sacrilegious! ) He does let out a mean snore, though!

Q: Yo Alf, I noticed that the Vykker’s have really bad teeth. What happened? You’d think that they’d have really good dental insurance, being scientists an all. So what’s up with their messed up drills?

Alf: Yeah, man, I dunno. I guess they’ve been sampling the sweets that they would normally test. Or maybe it’s just bad genes. Like most Doctors and Scientists they don’t necessarily practice what they preach.

Q: Alfster, Where can I get me some o them fancy schmancy Speedo’s like those fashionable interns wear? I heard that they are to die for … all five of the Fab Five have a pair!

Alf: A: Those gut huggers are custom made for the interns. Not for sale to the general public. Besides, I have a feeling that putting on a pair of those would be tantamount to, well, something really uncomfortable!

Q: Hey Alf, I heard the line to the rehab is real long. I was thinking about joining, but I’d like to get an idea of the wait time. Exactly how long is it? And none of that metric mumbo jumbo, either!

Alf: Well, my friend, I can’t see the end of it from my chaise lounge, so it still must be pretty darn long. I suppose if I got up and addressed the issue, it might help, but I haven’t even dressed myself yet today, let alone any issues! See ya at the end of the line, sucker!

Q: Alf, I have a pet slog who has been such a dear, tearing up the neighbors and leaving Slog Dumplins in their yards. What is the appropriate treat for my sweetums?

Alf: Well, it’s like the old rhyme from my childhood goes:
Lick wack, Mudokon smak
Give your slog a bone!
This old mud came limpin’ home!

Q: Dear Alf, I noticed in a copy of the Daily Deception one of the headlines reads, “Rupture Farms Grand Re-Opening Delayed! ” So what’s the scoop? When will Rupture Farms re-open?

Alf: According to Munch’s Oddysee for the GameBoy Advance now available on store shelves everywhere; the land where RuptureFarms once stood was rebuilt into “Evenwurst Weiner Factory”.