Dear Alf #34

You ask for it, Alf sort of sends this thing that vaguely resembles a reply and almost never directly relates to an answer … But that’s why we love him. Take a gamble and send your questions to the old Alfster… you might get a reply! Just remember that the odds are always with the house, or in this case, the rehab!

They say the only dumb question is the one that doesn’t get asked. Well, I beg to differ. The dumb question is the one that gets asked OVER AND OVER AGAIN! So, before you write, check our list of Most Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Hey alf my man its Joe again! Hey I read some Alf mail from August 2003. One of the questions was how come after you turn into shryskull and kill all the Gluks in the Magog Cartel conference room how come the Gluks are still mighty powerful. RITE.AM I RITE! Well after that I went down and it said who come the Gluks still have all the power and I put them together and thought of a good question.Since you said they were like a pyramid and the Gluks were almost at the top poiny part but not at the top. I went hey theres a good question to ask and here it is. Alf if the Gluks aren’t at the top of the pyramid who is? Oh, and I have another thing I feel sorry for you having to read all these long messages.But theres some Odd things in Oddworld that have to be asked.See ya later Alf.
Your friend,Joe

Alf: Dear Joe Rite. I see you have done your research and are fully prepared to annoy me to the greatest extent physics will allow. So all I can say is: Wouldn’t ya like to know!

Q: Hey, Alf! How is it goin’ little buddy? I am missing my yearly dosage of new Oddworld gossip…..what is the word on the next game? I want pictures!!! Oh, and have y’all ever considered a comic book to help on the franchise and make money for a bigger budget on the next games…hell, even a cartoon will do!! Anyhoo, I was wondering what you were up to…and since no other fans ask, if you would be interested in being my new drinking buddy!? Oh, and, how do Mudokans reproduce? I have only seen male ones…. I think…? Thanks for your time!

Alf: Hey there Randy. We’re still working on the game and it’s coming along just swell. Sorry, no new pictures, though. I would be honored to be your TEA DRINKING BUDDY as that is the only type of drinking I do, ever, and the only drinking I would recommend, even though I am not necessarily recommending that you should drink tea, because it may be a fact that you in particular cannot drink tea, but then I don’t really know, and you haven’t really specified, so I don’t really want to commit to that, but if you’d like to have a single cup of tea sometime I’d be happy to join you. That is, if you are in the neighborhood.

Q: Dear Alf, I was reading the instruction booklet for Abe’s Exodus and I noticed it said every game will have at least one bonus game with it, Exodus was the bonus for Abe’s Oddysee. I also own an Xbox, and recently beat Munch’s Oddysee, and I was wondering what the bonus game would be for it, and what the next chapter would be in the series

Alf: There is but one word that can accurately encompass the enigma that is your question: UNDECIDED.

Q: Will you be thinking about doing an abe trilogy just to top it off?

Alf: Well, I like to think more along the Alf trilogy lines, Alf’s Oddysee, Alf’s Exoddus, Alf’s Wagon Trip. Then maybe the prequel series, The Alfster’s Menace, Attack of the Scones, and of course, Episode Tea. Like you said, just to top it off.

Q: What’re the mudokon swear words? I know that sligs have a number of robot sounds for saying bullsh*t, do mudokons have any swear words?

Alf: Well, first off, we don’t condone you using any of this filthy language, but it’s pretty much the same as yours, I’m sure … “What the Fuzzle?” is a popular one with the kids these days. “Meep Sheet” we sometimes say in disbelief. A courteous “Odd bless you” following expulsions from the mouth and nostrils is always appropriate.

Q: Sligs have automatic fire weapons, yet when Glukkons yell “Do it” They pump their weapons like shotguns.

Alf: If there’s anything Sligs know, it’s how to operate their weapon. If they give it a pump, it’s cuz they think it needs one. If you’d like to argue the point some more I’d be happy to set up a meeting between you and they.

Q: Hello Margret! opps, wrong email! Dear Alf, 1.I know I’ve asked this before, but i’ve added a new twist, Lorne said “the next game (with Steef in it.) won’t be apart of the Quintology” does that mean Abe and Munch won’t be in it?

Alf: Well, sort of. Both of those things are true, but I’m not so sure that one is the result of another. Does that make sense?

Q: 2.going on that question, will the Steef person be in the Quintology?

Alf: NO. And the Steef is not a person, it is a species of noble beasts!!! And don’t you forget it!

Q: 3.why do Sligs wear masks? (apart from protection!) are they blind? (I used to think they didn’t have eyes!)

Alf: Sligs have horrible allergies but can’t afford trendy allergy meds on a slig salary, so the masks are an affordable way to filter out heaps of pollutants.

Q: Dear Alf, I am Danny and i was wondering if you could answer me some things. 1.What happened to Elum? What, did he die or something or just end up as Fleech food following Abe?

Alf: Elum was sent out to pasture where he could toot his horn in peace.

Q: 2.Where did that annoying (yet funny) Slig reporter go? is he a Valet or something?

Alf: There is a Slig Valet and a Slig Reporter. Rumor has it that they ran off together to start their own mobile reporting unit.Wockawocka!

Q: 3.And finally… In the name of Odd! Is there any news of Munch’s Oddysee on another console than Xbox? Stay Odd! Danny

Alf: Nope! No news. Maybe you should check with the sligs!

Q: Dear Alf I’ve got some questions I’ve been thinking about for a while. 1. If Molluck spent two hundred moolah every day for twenty years without receiving any, would he still have a huge amount left?

Alf: Well, once you factor in inflation, interest and deductions, he would have, um, let me think, carry the two, divide by the square root of that, to the third power, would make it somewhere in the neighborhood of… ASK YOUR ECONOMICS TEACHER!

Q: Number two: Does Phleg have a problem in his voicebox that makes him only yell and he can’t speak normally or whisper? (Because it seems like it)

Alf: Phleg was forced to operate heavy machinery when he was a child. As a result his hearing is poor, which means he can’t tell how loud he’s talking. At least that’s what he says in therapy. The truth is he just loves to be an obnoxious son-of-a-gun.

Q: Number three: Would you go crazy if you had to spend a week with Humphrey and Irwin? (add Lulu and his slig Valet)

Alf: I guess if I survived a week of brutal torture then yes, I would certainly go mad.

Q: Number four: Can you describe the room that you answer all these emails in?

Alf: Horrid conditions, really. I’m surrounded by volumes and volumes of various things, some help me answer these ridiculous queries, others are a pleasant escape from them. Of course there is tea scattered about and the constant passing of rehabitants on their way to the kitchen, which I find quite irritating and distracting. Some of them even have the nerve to speak to me whilst I am writing to you, dear fans! Can you imagine the nerve? It is hardly bearable. The drone of a giant air- cooling contraption overhead lulls me to sleep, until violent outbursts from my neighbors to the east wake me with a start. There is a tank of fish nearby, but they are mostly gone now. Just what would appear to be a tiny version of a black and white sea rex.

Q: Last one: Have Bigface, the weirdos, Almighty raisin and Shaman(the mudokon guide from Munches oddysee) ever met each other? From Tomohawk

Alf: Oh yes, they get together for the Annual Bigfaced, Weirdos, Raisins and Shamans Convention every year. Don’t bother trying to get in though, it’s industry professionals only!

Q: Unimud ~ 3 questions 1. is rupture farms a metaphor for the roach infested, cow byproduct patty filled Mc(edited for legal purposes)

Alf: Woa there unimud! I hate to interrupt but this is not the place to express your anger at corporate America! That is what underground film and marginally successful video games are for!

Q: 2. Who is the Gluken in green with a country accent?

Alf: That’s Tex the Glukkon. He lost the bidding war for the last can of gabbiar to Lulu.

Q: 3. When can I get this stupid metal thing out of my head? It dosn’t even get good reception!

Alf: Alf say: He who puts stupid metal thing in head cannot complain about reception!

Q: Dude, Alf it’s so cool to e. mail a mud! now I had three questions. first, since sligs are so common on oddworld how come the Glukins don’t just cut up THEM up and eat THEIR meat.

Alf: I may be going out on a limb here, but I think the metal part would be too crunchy and cause severe dental discomfort.

Q: And I was wondering… What are those lump like things on the back of slave mud’s loin cloths?

Alf: It is not a lump. It is a fanny pack! In case you hadn’t noticed, even the most fashionable of loin- clothes comes sans pocket!

Q: Shoudn’t there be some more info About this”Odd World: Stranger”? See ya! -Claude the mud

Alf: No! If there were more info he would’t be so strange anymore, now would he?

Q: hi alf! why do slogs, paramites, and scrabs have no eyes?

Alf: You know what they say, “When Odd weakens one sense, he strengthens another!” “The Odd giveth, and the Odd taketh away!” I could go odd and odd and odd….. Oh, what’s that? It’s the tea kettle a-whistlin’! See ya!