Dear Alf #48

We continue the theme of “themed Dear Alfs” and get curious about what you’re curious about Mudokons.

Welcome back to Alf’s Rehab & Tea, your one-stop detox, teahouse and underground resistance support post. For advice and assistance shaking the indomitable pressures of compulsion and addiction in a frightening and un-understandable world out to get you, take the first door on your left. For irritated answers to your inane ad hoc ponderances, turn into the alcove on your right and fill out the fourteen-page question submission form using only blue, black or purple ink. Toilets straight ahead.

This week we continue the theme of “themed Dear Alfs” and get curious about what you’re curious about Mudokons. The theme is Mudokons. See if you can spot it!

Alex: Hi Alf I was just wondering what is the average Mudokon life span (in Earth Years).

Alf: The typical Mudokon life span is 40 Oddworld years. Tell me how long an Earth year is in Oddworld days and I’ll tell you how long an Oddworld year is in Earth days.

SwirlyShy: In which age are Mudokons considered to be adults?

Alf: In my experience, as soon as they can pick up a bucket and cloth.

Azileks: Did Mudokons like music? There are any musicians in oddworld?

Alf: Mudokons adore music, it’s one of our most favourite things. We’re one of the most musical species out there. Our native languages are melodious, a lot of our technology works because of harmonies, and we love to dance to the beat of the drum as much as anyone. Not to say the rest of Oddworld ain’t swimming in music, from nature, from natives, even from the Civilized world.

Viktor: Hey alf who is the mudokon in the tree in the forest after Soulstorm™ mines and will new’n’tasty be a part of The Oddbox?

Alf: Hey Viktor, let’s look at your questions one after the other. Let’s start with the Mudokon in the tree out in Necrum. Unless you suffered a sudden bout of not really being aware of things in general, you’re probably not thinking of Abe. Abe was out there alone, so if you did see someone else, go and find either an optician or an exorcist. I suppose there were the ghosts Abe freed from traps, if you believe those daft stories of his anyway, maybe that’s what you’re thinking of. Or else, I dunno, maybe it was just a random carving. Ancient Mudokons are kinda well known for their sculptures, ya know?

The Oddboxx is a compilation of the first four Oddworld games, and since New ‘n’ Tasty is—guess what!—new (and also really quite delicious), it’s not part of the Oddboxx.

Evan: Hey alf! I love your work and I was wondering, where do mudokins learn and study? Are there universities for them? What fields are popular? Are there any overpriced modos history textbooks I can buy for way to much moolah?

Alf: Like the rest of my fellow slaves, my practical education came from being dumped on the job and beaten every time I goofed up. You learn quick to avoid punishment. Our more ‘academic’ knowledge came from propaganda and misinformation. The newspapers and TV shows we’re allowed to enjoy are all carefully constructed to make us think we’re living a great life. It’s all the education we need to be as productive as they want us to be.

Back out in the wild, our cultural heritage is passed on through different means. Ancient knowledge and history is primarily passed down by mouth, told through stories around the fire or on long journeys. If you wanna take it to the next step, you go find the recorded history: the carvings, the rockart, the architecture. You spend time in nature, observing the plants and animals. You meditate and teach yourself how to intersect with the spirit world. There’s no expensive laminated textbooks or poorly scheduled exams here.

Mr Arrows: #DearAlf where did the name “Mudokon” derive from?

Alf: Hey, thanks for using the brand new #DearAlf hashtag! More people should use the #DearAlf hashtag! Hey everyone, use the #DearAlf hashtag!

Mudokons are named after the continent of Mudos, where they come from. Like how you lot are all Earthikons. That’s what you call yourselves ain’t it? I don’t really pay attention.

Kyran: Last question I promise but what is the language used by the Mudokons? Do you have some way to teach this language to an earthling like me?

Alf: Sorry pally, I don’t know any way to communicate with you. You’ll have to piece it together yourself from misinterpreted old rock scratches and the sunstruck ramblings of Ron the Dung Diviner.

Thank you for visiting Alf’s Rehab & Tea, the only Rehab & Tea with its very own Alf. Hey, that’s me. Don’t forget to sign the guestbook on your way out, wipe your feet so you don’t track tea leaves out into my nice garden, and put down that cup. S’not yours!

Get your questions to me through all the same channels we’ve been yelling at ya through: Email, Facebook and Twitter ain’t just for chumps, chumps! Oh, and use the darned #DearAlf hashtag like ya been told. We didn’t invent it nothin’! Now, git goin’ quick before next week comes around and you have to come back inside. Later!