Dear Alf #61: Layabouts, lifespans and loincloths

Another year, another Dear Alf. Still weekly and still wonderful, today Alf contemplates beginnings and change.

Happy New Year, Earthabitants! I hope you’ve all been enjoying any statutory and/or discretionary time off you’ve had and are returning to your Oddly lives with refreshed vim! Me? Oh, Buddy locked me in the storeroom before he went on his break, so I’ve just been in here tidying this whole time. Huh. I really thought I’d have done a better job of it in all this time.

I could probably go for that belated holiday from the Rehab, to be honest, but you’re all here now, and I’m grateful for you letting me out of the storeroom. Again. I should make it unlockable from the inside. Anyway, let’s see what Dear Alf questions we have. Given the time of year, I’m going to stick to a loose theme of retrospection, beginnings, change and, uh, time I guess.

Taylor: dear Alf what company did lulu work for before he opened lulu fund?

Alf: Lulu worked for Flub Fuels, staffing a tiny filling station out in the middle of noplace. You wouldn’t believe how bad he was at it. I heard one time his boss came in to find him with his feet up reading a juicy gossip magazine, except this one time was every single day! No wonder nobody got suspicious when Abe and Munch were making him super rich for no reason.

CrantheMudanchee: what is the life spawn of a mudokon and a glukkon?

Alf: Mudokons aren’t spawned live, we hatch from eggs. Pretty big eggs, too! One of those things could feed a family of twelve for a couple of days! Not that you’d ever do that, of course. Glukkons might be born live, but they’re morally dead, so it doesn’t matter.

TheOddgamer98: How old can Glukkons get? Or does they live forever? Because i mean, you can see how old a human is but not at a Glukkon 🙂

Alf: Glukkons are pretty hardy and get can just. Keep. On. Going. For the better part of a century if they aren’t blown to chunks by glowing ghostly sparkles, a renegade Slig’s bulletspray or the occasional factory obliteration. They certainly don’t live forever. In fact, by the standards of a lot of other Oddworld species, those 80-odd years make for a pretty flash-in-the-pan existence. I guess you have trouble telling how old a Glukkon is because you’re just not used to them. If you lived your whole life in Glukkon society you’d not think twice about it, which is coincidentally similar to how you’d feel about steamrolling villages.

Kamagawa: What did Meeches look like? can you draw a picture of one?

Alf: From personal experience I can tell you that they were horrible, horrible, ugly and horrific things to behold. They were rubbery and fleshy and they oozed a horrible red pus. They used to fly through the air on metal hooks, sometimes dropping down on us poor, unsuspecting workers. It was all very disturbing. Then they’d cocoon themselves in wooden barrels, and when they emerged again they’d transformed into delicious Meech Munchies. It was all worth it in the end. I’m afraid I can’t draw one because I had to eat all my crayons while I was trapped in the storeroom.

Zach: Hey Alf, how come all we ever see Abe wearing is his loincloth? Abe never even changes his loincloth once in the entire Abe’s Oddysee game, and that’s a long game! I mean, he’s got to change some time right? He can’t just be wearing the same unclean loincloth all day right?

Alf: And why not? You think we got wardrobes of clean clothes in RuptureFarms? Pah, you kids today with your limitless sunglasses and more than one sock, you’re barely aware you’re hatched! Why, I’d have given my left arm for a dirty rag to wipe the excess Elum-hoof grease out of the chutes of clogged vendos, but when all you have is a loincloth you’d better be prepared to use that instead. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been toiling in the swelter of the furnace room or wading armpit-deep in Paramite plop, that loincloth is the one thing standing between you and savage indecency, so you stick with it! And frequently to it! Sheesh, ya buncha neat freak whinebabies.

Toasty: Finally are any ideas being thrown around between you’re friends at Oddworld Inhabitants for new games?

Alf: You’d better believe it! We recently announced at the Austrian “Baiting Imagination” Gaming Convention (ABIGCON) that we have already started work on a brand new title called Oddworld: Alf’s Concoction. It’s kind of an online fabrication simulator where you have to make up as much stuff as possible. The more ridiculous, the better, but at the end of it you get to see how many silly consumers bought it all! I’ve been having so much fun playing it!

On that exciting revelation, we’re going to let Alf go home and relax properly for a bit. But not for long! Because of course, now that we’re back to all of our regularly-scheduled Oddcasts, next week sees the first Fan Art Tuesday of 2014.

Naturally, you can still send in your questions to Alf by using the hashtag #DearAlf on Facebook or Twitter, or posting them in the comments below.