Come gather round, children. We are all one fan family – one big happy fanily. And it’s time you learnt what that means on Oddworld.
Oh hey, you guys again. If I were a more inexperienced Mud I’d worry you were swapping your processed food addictions for an understandable but still unhealthy Alf addiction.
But I know better. It ain’t about compulsion or dependence. We’re something much more important—and sometimes a whole bunch more troublesome. We’re a family. For fans. Fanily.
But we ain’t the only family, so let’s check out some of the other blood relations in Mudos by answerin’ yur durn questions about ’em. That’s the theme of yet another Dear Alf, sheesh!
potatomaster: has abe or you or any other of your fellow mudokon friends ever tought about going on an adventure with abe to save sam (your queen)?, or do you think something’s gonna happen , like , the spirits warning abe about a female mudokon about to be hatched and you guys gathering an army/infiltrating the place she’s being held in to save the egg or the already hatched female?
Alf: I don’t know what yur yappin’ about, master. If we spent Abe’s Oddysee bringing down a stream of righteous lightning onto the pointy head of our boss at work (spoilers for New ‘n’ Tasty, by the way), what makes you think we’re gonna go out and do a kindness to some royalty we’ve never heard of? Mudokon leaders are chosen for their spirituality, not their bloodline, sheesh.
ShrykullsBestFriend: Hey Alf! I wanna ask, I read somewhere that modokons don’t usually get names from birth, and that they get their names by other Modokons giving them one based on something unique or something that stands out about the person they name, so I just wondered, how did you and Abe get your names?
Alf: When I were a nipper, butt-scootin’ way round the slaughterhalls from job to job, I used to be really lazy. The other kids always got angry at me, saying I was ‘alf-assed. I guess it stuck.
SwirlyShy: Hi again Alf! I was just wondering, since you and Abe are brothers, you wouldn’t happen to know which one of you is the older one?
Alf: Not really. No reason for anyone to keep records of who was hatched first, as long as the numbers are all there. Maybe there’s a way to tell, like counting the bands on our ponytails.
Gian: #DearAlf when will abe save Sam?
Alf: Er, I dunno, Thursday? Pawk ‘n’ Elum, remember when I used to be an agony aunt and not a prophet? And what’s with the knight’s duty stuff now, when did we become the royal guardians?
and when do mudokon queens lay female eggs?
Alf: Errrrrrmmmmmm. Thursday.
PS: also, how do mudokon drones look like?
Alf: Big eyebrows.
Sam the Human: Hey Alf, I’ve got something that’s been pickin’ at my brain for a while. Since the Mudokun Queen Sam (funny how she and I both have the same name) wasn’t in Vykker’s Labs when it blew up in Munch’s Oddysee, could it be possible that she’s in the industial capitol where Lady Margret is? I mean, it’s the perfect place ‘cuz it would have the highest security. The only difference is that Margret gets treated like royalty and the only thing poor Sam gets are anti-depressents. So what do you think? Should you and Abe check out the capitol for your mom.
Alf: Will you guys just drop thi- wait, mommy? You gotta be kidding me. Don’t be doin’ this to me! If I find out we got a mom locked away somewhere, I’ll cry, so quit yanking my ponytail! I wouldn’t go looking in the big cities though. Those places are too full of billionaires and celebrities to be industrial. They’re commercial! Consumer society at its richest.
BAR: also hows Munch doing with those baby Gabbits?
Alf: They’re a coddled bunch o’ scampis, I’m tellin’ ya! Poor Munch is a tad floundered with parenthood now, but he’ll get his fins for it. I fillet in my bones!
Keyndid: #DearAlf When will be the next Oddworld game with the Quintlogy? I really want it back. Maybe Just Add Water can do it.
Alf: The next, and third, game in the Oddworld Quintology is Oddworld: Squeek’s Oddysee. It always has been and it always will be. It’s a big story, one we’ve been hanging on to for a couple of decades, and when we tell it we want to tell it right. It’s just very dear to our hearts. Even then, telling a new story is several steps up from what we’ve been working on with Just Add Water so far, meaning it’s expensive. Very expensive. The thing is, we’re tired of playing by the publishers’ rules. That means that everything we make, we have to be prepared to fund out of our own pocket. And we just ain’t that rich yet, simple as. But everything we’re doing now is to help build up the Moolah so we can afford to tell brand new stories, because that’s what we wanna be doing too! We just gotta share a family-size bucket o’ patience.
Rui: when mudokons going to rescue Sam?
Alf: Tongue of a Fleech, I’ll rescue her myself if it’ll pipe y’all down!
Fun’s over, folks. If I knew you all thought of me as your parental figurehead, as I like to think I am, I’d tell ya all to get to bed and leave me alone, uh, I mean, get a good night’s sleep. And clean behind ya durn ears!
This is my Rehab, and as long as you’re all staying here under my roof-and-or-tarp, you obey my rules! So get out!