Dear Alf #71: Ring, roll and revive

TOP CHANTING! You could bring my whole Rehab down! Looks like it’s time for another lesson in your Mudokon-y potential.

STOP CHANTING! You don’t know what you’re doing! You could bring the whole Rehab down, or possess everyone you know all at once! Who knows what hidden powers you never knew you had could manifest at the worst possible moment? I think I’d better give another lesson in the abilities we Mudokons are capable of.

Put your hands together… no wait, keep them far apart! …for this week’s Dear Alf!

Tommy: Hey there Alf! I was just wondering that where did Abe get his “special powers”? I mean, how can he just chant, climb and, of course, fart immediately when he wants? I’ve noticed that he’s the only one who’s able to do these…

Alf: Any Mudokon can chant if they know what noise to make! It’s just OHMOHMOHMOHM, or is it NYOWNYOWNYOW, or maybe it was NOMNOMNOMNOM. Yeah, any fool could pick it up. Just Abe’s… real good at it. Some shamans study for years to use their chant, and along comes this slaughterhouse servant with a natural aptitude that sets their envy afire! That’ll learn ’em to be so uppity ’bout who they lend a paw to!

Turret: We know that Mudokons can have 5 powers:
1 – Chant. (Mudoknons can increasingly variety of species according to their Karma, isn’t?)
2 – Blue Ring
3 – Red Ring
4 – Green Ring
5 – Yellow Ring
My question is: There is another power that mudokons can have?

Alf: Well let’s see, there is the purple ring and the orange ring. Oh, and the brown ring, but I don’t like to talk about that. The pink ring is really cute, but the gray ring is pretty boring. Then there’s the cerulean ring, the vermilion ring, the cerise ring, the indigo ring and my personal all-time favorite, the beige ring!

Tommy: Wouldn’t body armor be helpful for Abe? #DearAlf

Alf: Abe’s a pretty nimble guy for someone who’s been cooped up in tight cells and corridors for most of his life. It’s kinda the only reason he’s survived as long as he has, apart from that whole ancient mystical powers bag of tricks. Ya reckon he’s gonna stay that speedy and flexible wearing body armor? Nah, that armor should be saved for those of us suffering a much more sedentary existence, perhaps those who help in passive ways like sitting and talking to recovering addicts. Yes, I think that.

Daniel: Do you think Abe would possess rich business men/women to give away all their wealth to the Daniel fund that I will make?

Alf: What an excellent idea! I gotta say, we had so much fun building up Lulu only to dash him back down to the gutters, impoverished and neglected by society, never to know comfort or pride again. If you wanna do the same thing to this ‘Daniel’ guy, count me in!

Golcea: Will Abe be able to roll between a scrab’s legs ?

Alf: Yeah sure. But like anything else that rolls between a Scrab’s legs, how many separate piece he’ll come out in on the other side is a totally different and much splattier question for another day.

wonki200010: Dear, Alf I want to know if the revival totems in Munch’s Oddesey (Copyright…you guys) can revive a human into a mudokon, cause i want to become as Shrykull Powered as abe and live with you guys.
Mudokons are Righteous
Glukkons and Sligs can go make out with fleeches
(hmm, i should invent minty fleech floss!) XD

Alf: They’re resurrection totems, not reincarnation totems. Totally different technology. It’s one thing to shepherd a recently-deceased nearby spirit into a new body, it’s quite another to ferry one across the dimensions. It’d take so long just to get you here your ghost would be all moldy and wrinkled, and you don’t wanna be revived like that! Ya gotta be fresh! Minty Fleech Floss can keep you only so hygienic!

That’s all the weekly education I’m budgeted for, so I hope you’re all now confident in the spiritual energy you can channel. Go pester Big Face or Raisin if you want any additional guidance. I can guide you better than them but I don’t wanna.

Next Friday I’m getting a surprise visit from a certain one-armed former-journalist, so if you have any Sliggy questions, send them my way for Crig to answer. Submit ’em in the comments below or use the hashtag #DearAlf on Facebook or Twitter.