Dear Alf March 2013

It’s busy here at the Rehab. So many lost and confused Inhabitants needing guidance and help, there isn’t time for the dust to settle with…

It’s busy here at the Rehab. So many lost and confused Inhabitants needing guidance and help, there isn’t time for the dust to settle with the bustle in this place. I haven’t had to light a fire in weeks, the heat from the crowd is enough to warm the whole place. Somewhere in this writhing activity is my mailbag. Where is it? It should be right next to my favorite armchair but it’s been kicked into a corner to clear space. Maybe I could free up more space by actually replying to some mail. That’s actually not a bad idea, as long as I can squeeze the time out of my schedule. Let’s see here. What can I help folks with today?

Jordan: how do the weirdo’s in exeduss have their powers???

Alf: It’s a lot easier to be in tune with the hidden, mystic powers of the spirit world when you’re looking at it from within the hidden, mystic spirit world!

I have a question for you alf do mudokons have last names??

Alf: Yeah, of course! When you only have one name, your entire name is your last name!

Nicolas: Hey Alf, I dunno if you’re familiar with Stranger and all but I was curious about something. Has he ever had any interactions with Mudokons? Or has he never ventured to that part of Oddworld?

Alf: Well he’s certainly never wandered into my Rehab, if that’s what you’re suggesting. We have an expression here. It goes “Like a Ste-” ummm, “Like a Stranger in a tea shop.” It means that Stranger would send the cups and saucers and doilies flying everywhere! There would be the smashed crockery, the injuries, the insurance claims, and that’s not saying a thing about the horn-torn upholstry. Funnily enough, we have another, similar expression. It goes “Like a Scrab in a tea shop.” And the closely related “Like an Elum in an apiary.”

Zach: Hey Alf, I’ve got a question for you. In the game Stranger’s Wrath Stranger seems as though he’s just on a personal agenda throughout the whole game even after he is rescued by the natives. So I was wondering, does he actually care about what happens to the natives, or was he just helping them so that they could help him get revenge on Sekto?

Alf: There comes a point where the two of those are one and the same. Stranger may have started out looking after his own hide, even once he knew Sekto would be coming after him, but it’s only by discovering and embracing his noble heritage that he managed to accomplish that. Sekto destroyed the land of the Grubbs and put Stranger’s life at incredible risk. Stranger is a born guardian kept apart from his, uh, guardees by societal pressures. His desire to protect the natives is his personal agenda.

GeneralDripik: Hey Alf will Oddworld be destroyed on the 21/12/12 cause I think the Mayans warned you it would.

Alf: Hey! Don’t you have a go at me for answering this so much later than the given date! I just… wanted to be sure. Seriously, don’t let modern spins on ancient knowledge fool you. If you could convince a superstitious bunch of people that mystical ancients foresaw an unavoidable end in the near future, how much would those people stand up for their longevity when you exploited their resources and rights?

Nathaniel: Alf have you ever thought of doing a mudokon version of magog on the march and posting it on the website? if so please do it, it will be like a video version of Dear Alf

Alf: Some of my buds run the FUD Network, a Mudokon broadcasting group dedicated to revealing the truth behind Glukkon industry. I’ve been offered my own slot, but I just don’t got the time, ya know? I’d have to starch my fez, powder my nose… and I’ve barely got enough time to respond to my bulging mailbags as it is!

Salamander69: Hows it going Alf? I just wanted to something off my and ask you whats that thing hangin in the back of Abes head?

Alf: His ponytail? It’s a ponytail. It’s made from our fabulous feather-like hair. Factory owners like to have it tied up or shaved completely to reduce unproductive accidents and promote confidence-sapping conformity. Usually once Muds are free we like to start exploring our own styles, but Abe keeps his as a kind of reminder of his past.

Shawn: hey alf if muds have feathers do u think then that muds evolved from some type of bird or bird like creature

Alf: Makes sense to me! It explains my all-day yearning to take off and fly away from all this! But that’s not going to happen anytime soon, so back to answering letters!

Genshi: Genshi fascinated by mudokon species. But one thing Genshi no understand; Oddworld wikia say mudokon evolve from birds if mudokon type of bird that make them archosaur species yet unlike all archosaur species mudokon have mouth in stead of beak, flat nails like simian primate, and four digits on hand like artiodactyl. But genshi no know what “birds” on Oddworld look like so mudokon may look much like Oddworld bird.

Alf: Archosaur? Artiodactyl? I don’t know what those are. Maybe your birds and people evolved in very different ways to ours. Your world sounds weird.

Also, Genshi curious about mudokon female. There only one known mudokon female. Where rest of them? without females mudokon species die so there must be female Mudokons somewhere.

Alf: Well I guess that makes sense, so they must be somewhere, but I sure haven’t seen them. But then by that logic there’d have to be male Mudokons as well, and I haven’t seen any of those either.

Oh and PS: How long are the days on Oddworld — in hours? Thanks!

Aura Guardian: How far is the planet of Oddworld from Earth?

Simon: where is oddworld and is there realy hd abe coming out

Alf: Oddworld exists in a different part of reality, another dimension, a bajillion light millennia away in all and zero directions, utterly unrelated to the world you know, a fractured reflection of each other’s world. We’ve got our own sun and orbit and rotation and time zones and clocks and calendars and laws of relativity. Converting between coordinates and times doesn’t make much sense.

Ross: Hey Alf, I was just curious how you communicated with us? Does Oddworld have some sort of trans-solar system communication technology?

Alf: A really, really long well.

Shawn: What ever happened to big face after abe’s oddysee?

Alf: He stayed at Monsaic Lines and helped rescued Mudokons come to grips with their new life of freedom. He also started to learn photorealism, but he got bored of it and went back to rockart.

also what where meeches like and do u think that maybe just maybe there may still be meeches living in parts of oddworld that the glukkons havent gotten to yet?

Alf: I never had the pleasure of meeting a Meech in person, but I’m told by the livestock handlers from the Farms they were not something you wanted to let anywhere near you. One on its own would spell doom enough, a whole flock of them would plow through anything they wanted. Alas, no more! Meeches only lived around where Molluck built RuptureFarms, so when their homeland was reduced to wasteland, they went the way of the, well, the Meech.

Tori: Hey, Alf! Where’s Crig lately?? He owes me some moolah.

Alf: You don’t seriously expect to get that Moolah, do you? Sure, I could tell you where he is. But then he could bring a bunch of cronies and shoot my rehab up. Nah, you’re ok. Just make do with your remaining peenies.

Also, what are some of your favorite activities for your spare time?

Alf: When I’m not sitting down with recovering Brewaholics, I like to play games with my Mudokon brethren, such as Sliggy in the Middle, or Hide & Squeek. I also enjoy a good book: right now I’m deep in Fez and Lapsang in Fegas, and after that I want to move on to Go Ask Aslik.

Dear alf i am wondering if there is a easier way to explode soul storm brew

Alf: You could throw a lit match at it. What do you have in mind? A decorative pyrotechnic display or a vindictive factory demolition?

does abe or you have google+

Alf: There’s an Oddworld Inhabitants Google+ Page if that helps.

Karl: 1) Do Mudokon’s ever cold at all?

Alf: Of course! Winter is as tough for us as anyone else, but we survive with bonfires, thick coats and shivering a lot. We also turn the thermostat way up, and stick our feet in the oven. Next question.

2) Did you try any foods at Rupturefarms?

Alf: ‘Try’? No, I never ‘tried’ it. It was the only food there was. We were forced to eat it or starve. But that was ok because at the time we didn’t know what we were eating. All we knew was it tasted great and we couldn’t wait until the next cold slither of it was gifted to us from the nearest dispenzah.

3) Did you guys never met those Grubbs before in the Western Mudos?

Alf: I’ve never met a Grubb, but when I did I enjoyed their company. I’ll probably never meet them, but I liked all the fish they gave us.

Taylar: Forgive me if you’ve answered a question similar to this before, but I was wondering…Your community, your whole ‘gathering’ of mudo’s you got goin’ on there; Is there some kind of leader or superior, that maybe guides what happens? I figured that the Almighty Raisin, Bigface and even you and Abe would probably have their words a little bit more valued than others! (No offense of course to anyone else) Or is it a democracy? Either way man, I’d be pretty content living there – you guys are awesome.

Alf: Traditianally, villages tend to govern themselves, usually in line with their parent tribe, whose elders in turn heed the wisdom of ancients and prophets like Shamans, Spirits and the Almighty Raisin. Right now tribes have all but dispanded, secretive clans hidden themselves away from industrialist meddling, far-flung vestiges of purer existence on the fringes of populated land. An active leader like Abe might be able to bring them all together by adventuring to their settlements and organizing propaganda drives.

Krakenito: Hi Alf, I was always wondering if english is official language in Mudos (or entire Oddwolrd), or is it just translated to it. Which one of these theories is correct?

Alf: I’ve never heard of ‘english’. Is it like a cross between a Glukkon and a Fish?

Why and when the Vykkers and Glukkons did become “friends”?

Alf: You’re right to put ‘friends’ inside inverted commas. They’re not friends, they’re competing companies. One tends to focus on resource extraction and manufacture while the other mostly sticks to pharmaceuticals and robotics, but they do share some markets, for instance, food. Even then they’re competing for lands, contracts, marketing… don’t ever mistake them for friends! On the other hand, they’ll work together if they both feel they can get something out of it. In fact, Vykkers are contracted for a lot of research and technology, just as they contract work out to yet other industrial families. The economic landscape of Oddworld is a twisted web.

Duncan: All the glukkons and wolvarks and them know that abe’s gonna come and ruin the day by either A:Turning Invisible. B: throwing their own grenades at them. C: Drinking coffee. and finaly D: Possessing them. SO why don’t they cobble it together and get rid of all the vendos and put in a chant supressor every 10 feet and put a security code onto the BOOM machines?

Alf: Whoa whoa whoa!! That’s not an inexpensive plan of operation! Get rid of the Vendos… what would the workers eat? A chant supressor every 10 feet… do you have any idea how much a self-powered anti-gravity tesla coil costs? A security code on grenade dispenzahs? Well, that’s actually not a bad idea but it would still be a more expensive model. There comes a point when you have to figure it’s more profitable to claim the insurance and start a new factory somewhere else.

GeneralMuffins: Hey Alf! Thanks for answering my previous question. I’m more of a Mudomo chap myself. ANyway, I’m just wodnering, How tall is a Kinto Slave in comparison to a Mud?

Alf: A foot shorter, about the same size as a panted Slig. Roughly. You try measuring one accurately when they’re freaking out about the clouds overhead.

Painkiller: Alf! At last, it is a great honour for me to talk with you. I have a question: Which Glukkons survive in Exoddus? Im putting this question beacuse in Munch’s Odysee, in a newspaper we find Director Phleg and General Drippik tagged in a picture. As far as i know, Abe posessed each Glukkon ( V.P Aslik, Phleg and Drippik ) in order to gain access to SoulStorm Brewery.

Alf: I don’t think you’re familiar with the fantastic cost-cutting measure known as ‘stock photo’. Those cheap tabloids will cut any corner to get their ridiculous point across earlier than the competition. The early rag gets the Moolah!

Shane: Dear Alf, Will shrinks be in any upcoming oddworld game and what are they exacly

Alf: Shrinks are mechanical company psychologists, built to increase the productivity of workers. Whether that encouragement comes in the form of a supportive compliment or emotional blackmail is no one’s concern as long as it gets results.

Asmoden: Dear Alf, i need to ask for your guidance on a moral matter that is preventing me to sleep pacefully.

Alf: I know Abe can’t use sligs weapons cause he don’t want to be swayed by glukkon mentality but why he show no restraint in using granades?

In case the answer is something like “he simply don’t like guns” please go and slap him one time for all the troubles that gave us.

Alf: Well, you know. Guns are heavy. Abe can fit several grenades in his pocket. It’s easier!

ScrabRodeoChamp: Hey Alf, you know Abe can possess pratically anything (Bells, farts, sligs, slogs, etc), does that mean he can possess other mudokons? I mean, he could be doing it to you right now! Is he? If he is, hi Abe!

Alf: I certainly hope he can’t, because that would be proper scary! I mean, possessing the thing trying to kill you is one thing, possessing your pal from across the road takes on horrible implications. What if you learnt something you wish you’d never known, like “I don’t like tea”? That’s going to scar you for life. It’s better Abe keeps his possession to other species.

Grant: I have enjoyed the oddworld games for a long time and i hope they continue. Two questions have been pondering my mind though. Back in the days when abe had to rescue so many mudokons in exoddus. Why is it that Abe never feels really bad when he kills a mudokon? If he killed one by accident or if he was being mean, on purpose, all he could say was “oops” and move on, he didnt stop, cry or even apologise to friends nearby if he killed one of their buddies.

Alf: Make no mistake, Abe feels pain and suffering and sadness, often in a much deeper way that the Mudokons around him. But when he kills a Mudokon he knows… he knows that… um…. Abe has never killed a Mudokon. What, err, what are you talking about? Have you ever killed a Mudokon?

Keitaro: What happened after that old, blind guy fell to his death in Abe’s Exoddus? Abe told him to follow him, only to make him walk right into a big hole and then break his legs. Was he missed or at least remembered in the village?

Alf: His broken bones healed really quickly and Abe rescued him a little bit later. We were all very relieved.

Grant: My other question is if glukkons have no arms, then who built the sligs

Alf: By “built the Sligs” I’m gonna suppose you mean their pants. Like most widespread appliances, they’re designed by Vykkers but commercially manufactured by Glukkons.

and why is it that slogs respect them so much that they would even attack a glukkon if a slig commanded it,

Alf: Um, you said two questions. This is number three, but that’s fine. Slogs don’t respect Sligs. They obey them because they’ve been brutally raised to know they’ll get beaten, starved and generally abused if they don’t. Glukkons don’t get involved in the process, so when a Slog sees a Glukkon it doesn’t recognize it as anything special to be protected.

which reminds me, if sligs are stronger than glukkons, why dont they just kill em and take over.

Alf: Jeez, another question? You said two. This is your last one. Sligs aren’t stronger than Glukkons, because Glukkons control the Moolah. A Slig without Moolah is a Slig withoun a gun, pants or smokes. And a Slig without those is a sticky mess on the bottom of some guy’s boots.

a slig revolution should i say?


The Rehab just filled up with lost souls again, so it looks like I should put down my letters and go talk to people’s faces. If you have a question you want to put to Alf, simply leave a comment, send an email, tweet a tweet, or do whatever it is you do on Facebook. It might not hit the presses in the very next edition, but Alf always tries to respond to everything he gets! Until next time, Stay Odd!