RuptureFarms Employee Manual

Posted on Twitter by Oddworld Inhabitants

Date: 06/08/2018


You may not have thought about it, but the value of your benefits amounts to a considerable sum each year in addition to the wages or salary you earn. In addition to the wages lost to you through taxes, graft, and incompetence, these are just a few of the bogus ways your pathetic salary is misdirected by RuptureFarms each year:

Accidental Death/Dismemberment Assurance
Annual Party or Outing to a Walled Enclosure
Dental Probes
Disability Leaves of Absence (Permanent)
Education Assistance (Lobotomy)
Education/Training (How To Perform Lobotomies)
Funeral (Bereavement) Leave … note, Funeral Leave has replaced Lunch Hour
Group Term Life Insurance (with RuptureFarms as sole beneficiary)
Paid Holidays (after fifteen years’ service)
Paid Vacations (after hell freezes over)
Personal Leaves of Absence (see Disability Leaves of Absence)
Short-Term Disability Assurance
Sick Room
Social Insecurity
Stock-Option Program (someday, we promise!)
Unemployment Re-education Service (see Accidental Death/Dismemberment Assurance)
Worker’s Compensation Insurance (Anesthetic)

That’s a lot to think about!